A Big Cannoli For The Woman Who Lashed Out At Me Over Essential Oils: You Are The Reason

Dear woman who shall remain nameless but should also be called out by name,

My apologies for not responding to your months of messages about why I should be using everything under the sun that you have to sell. See, I don’t respond to people who send me friend requests followed by sales pitches. That’s a shitty way to do business.

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However, after your last message, I feel compelled to respond. You are, without a doubt, the reason.

You, my (apparent, even though we haven’t ever had a conversation outside of your essential oils ploy) friend, are the reason why people are afraid to join the industry. You haven’t once tried to get to know me. You haven’t once asked me a question beyond “does that interest you?” You haven’t taken one ounce of your time to figure out WHY I might be interested in rubbing myself down with lavender oil that is apparently way better than any other lavender oil that was ever made.

Instead, you just hit me with a sales pitch disguised as a “story” because somewhere in your “journey,” someone told you to go use this script that was located in the “files” section of your top-secret essential-oil-slingers Facebook group.

And…you’re confused about why I didn’t answer you back. You are the reason people run from the industry. Because people aren’t stupid enough to think that this is how you actually interact with people. Because people aren’t dumb enough to think that a scripted message is the fast track to human interaction.

BUT WAIT! If you order now…

Just kidding. But seriously, wait. Because there’s more.

Just think, for a second, and answer me this: Do you really think that this is how people do business? You defriended me for not buying your stuff before I could even ask you that, but I am still curious. Do you really, really – deep down inside your oregano infused heart – believe that you will earn sales, repeat customers, and what you claim you want most – “relationships” – from lashing out at people who don’t answer your scripted sales pitches…?

Every single time you’ve sent me a message, I’ve been driving my car with 1-2 kids in it. No, I’m not going to use the emergency pull-off on route 680 to tell you that I didn’t get a chance to look at your website. No, I’m not going to delay grocery shopping to answer your third message in a row because I’m afraid you’ll be offended. If you’re offended that I’m not answering you back, that is your issue – not mine.

See, this is what I mean about MLM and direct sales. Someone, someone who is currently on an all expenses paid cruise and has changed their Facebook cover to a photo of the S.S. Diffuser, that person is teaching you to do this. That person is telling you that you can actually earn money by continually reaching out to people who aren’t interested. That person is feeding you this ridiculous line of “No just means not right now!” and you believe it. When it doesn’t work, you freak out, and no wonder. THE SYSTEM, FOR GOD’S SAKE, DOESN’T WORK. CAN WE STOP PRETENDING IT WORKS?

So, oily woman, you are the reason that serves as an example that the outdated “reach out to everyone” system doesn’t work.

It’s hard for me to be angry with you because I truly feel for you. I’ve done it too, ok? I’ve hounded my family. I’ve hounded my friends. I’ve reached out to friends from high school who wouldn’t even know who I was anymore because I changed my last name when I got married. I’ve spewed party lines about the “life changing opportunity” that wasn’t changing my life at all other than slowly putting me into debt, but that was all part of the “fake it till you make it” strategy that I was told to use.

No faking. No making. Let’s just stop.

In the future, you need to reconsider the way you do business. No, I don’t want to buy your oils or non-toxic stuff. I can get it all from Target and Target has been nicer to me over the past ten years than you have been in the past three months. Guess who asks me if I had a good shopping experience? A Target cashier. Guess who never asked me if I was having a good experience? YOU. Sidenote: I don’t see a Starbucks located inside your Facebook “fan page.” I’m out. Currently driving to Target.

You are [part of] the reason retail stores survive. The hassle of retail around the holiday season is nothing compared to your mistreatment of me on social media.

Aaaaaaand bye.

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