I know; I swore that I wouldn’t let my serial entrepreneur tendencies get the best of me before the new year begins. However, after the horrible experience of being verbally attacked by Rodan + Fields consultants on my recent Facebook status, I had to make a positive change and start something new. I was lucky enough to be interviewed about my NEWEST adventure – check it out!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: THE HOTTEST NEW APP FOR MLM, “SALES DIRECTIVES”
By: Ima B. Yatch, Editor-In Chief
Are you sick of dealing with customers who tell you that your direct sales products don’t work as expected? Do you find it daunting to listen to people who have real, valid opinions that aren’t the same as yours? Well, Sales Directives is the perfect app for you!
After gathering extensive research from some of the rudest distributors in the industry, The Big Cannoli is proud to introduce an app that auto-generates harsh responses for use on your customers’ public posts that show the potential downsides of your product. No more of that cumbersome LISTENING that you’ve had to do in the past! Now, with the click of a button, you can insult your unhappy customers almost instantly.
The idea is the brainchild of Courtney Poullas. After publicly claiming her lashes broke after discontinuing use of a lash conditioning product, she was bombarded for hours by direct sales representatives who just simply couldn’t believe it.
“It took forever for these people to simply insult me,” she stated. “I knew there had to be a quicker way. My phone went off for hours. I thought to myself, if I can develop something that will help women with a cult-like mentality insult their unhappy customers quicker, maybe that would cut down on the time it took to lash out.”
She was clear that “lash out” was not a pun.
While the app is still fairly new, Courtney is certain that the app is perfect for 100% of the people 100% of the time.
“There’s nothing wrong with this app at all. It absolutely works as expected. It’s perfect. If it doesn’t, maybe you should re-educate yourself on how to use it. I’m not going to take the time to re-educate people. They can do that on their own.”
We were thrilled to try this app. The ability to spout insults such as “your an idiot” was quick, efficient, and didn’t require thinking. However, when questioned about the misspellings in the app’s insults (such as “your”), Poullas once again suggested that we should re-educate ourselves on how to use it, that the app is perfect, and that we had to be seeing things and making things up in our heads. She also wished us best of luck in our future endeavors.
After piloting Sales Directives for a whole week, we contacted the app creator about an additional issue: The insults do not always make sense (see below).
After becoming angry and yelling at interviewers that this was “not true,” she decided to use one of the insults on us to prove it.
“Maybe it’s your thyroid. You should go get that checked. Best of luck in your future endeavors,” she said, followed by slamming the phone down and blocking all of us on social media.
If you’re someone who can’t understand that a product that you had no hand in creating may have flaws, and if you clearly identify with the mentality that the company for which you’re selling is actually a deity that deserves worship, then the Sales Directives app is for you.
This is a sarcastic piece and should not be taken as fact – there is no app, duh.